How can I help someone who is being abused?

For friends and family, it can be really challenging supporting someone who is in a domestic abuse relationship. Find out how you can help.

Listen

• Give the time and space to talk
• Reassure them that you believe what they're saying
• Take care not to blame them
• Reassure them that they're not alone and there are many others in the same situation
• Try not to push them to go into more detail than they feel ready to talk about
• Try not to tell them what you think/believe is happening to them - this could push them away
• If they're struggling to see what's happening – just be there when you can, gently challenge situations if safe to do so: “I understand what you're saying but no one should be shouted at for the traffic making them late” - just to place in their mind that those behaviours aren’t reasonable
• Remember the person may be living in terror of what’s next on a daily basis - it will take time for them to trust that talking about it is safe 
  

Acknowledge

• This is a frightening and difficult situation
• No-one deserves to be threatened or abused, despite what their abuser might have told them
• Nothing they can say can justify the abuser's behaviour

Support

• Encourage them to express their feelings
• Try not to be judgemental
• Encourage them to seek help and support via SDAS but don't tell them to leave the relationship if they're not ready to do this. Remember that it's their decision
• You can call SDAS for advice but also to find out what the person can expect if they reach out for support
• Have they suffered physical harm? If so, ask if they wish to attend hospital, or visit their GP, and offer to accompany them
• Help them to report the assault to the police if they choose to do so
• Encourage them to have their injuries logged in case they need evidence in the future
• Seek advice on their options
• Offer to go with them to visit a solicitor
• Be ready to provide information on organisations that can help
• Help them to plan safe strategies in case they decide to leave. Let them decide what they think is safe. Remember they know the abuser best
• Show them the safety planning advice 
  
• Offer the use of your address and/or telephone number for them to receive messages or information
• Offer to look after an emergency bag as they may urgently need to leave an abusive environment. Suggested items to be included in an emergency bag:
• Financial details, for example insurance documents, bank details, credit cards, national insurance number
• Medical details and medication (if applicable)
• Documentation, for example passport, birth and marriage certificates, drivers licence (if applicable)
• Basic and essential clothing
• Children's favourite toy or comforter

Take care of yourself too

• Ensure that you don't put yourself in a dangerous situation
• Don't offer to talk to the abuser about your friend
• Don't allow yourself to be seen as a threat by the abuser
• Speak to SDAS and find out how they can support you